Daily Insanities
by Yue in the Stars
Summary: Just what kinds of things happen in Soul Society? Funny things? Happy things? Sad things? Angsty things? Let's find out, with our favorite Ice Captain and (not) friends!
1. Instincts and Hoards

**So... I have once again started something without updating everything else... For the readers of my other stories, don't worry; those chapters are genuinely almost done! I've just been SUPER busy at school, and had a few other non-fanfiction side-projects going on. As you may have figured out from the summery, this will just be a gathering of One-Shots for Bleach. As my favorite character is lil' Shiro, be prepared for almost everything I write to be about him, lol.**

 **Prompt:** Dragon Instincts (Or: Don't Mess With a Dragon's Hoard)

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya, Ukitake, OC

 **Genre:** Humor

 **Warnings:** None

* * *

Toshiro didn't like him. Not. One. Bit. The man thinks he's _so_ tough, waltzing in, thinking he can take everything for himself, and that Toshiro wouldn't do _anything_ about it!? Worse yet, that if push came to shove, that he could beat him in a fight!? Oh, he'll show him, the stupid thief. _Just f***ing wait._

* * *

Hitsugaya-taicho was a reasonable person. He generally didn't judge on first glance, and kept most comments about various co-workers to more or less himself, barring a few. He certainly didn't start _growling_ and attacking new shinigami upon first sight.

At least, that's what everyone was trying to tell themselves, as they watched him brutally beat up another shinigami, enraged snarls filling the room.

"Did… Did he just _bite_ him?" Ukitake asked incredulously, his eyes wide and face pale. Through the dumbfounded silence, watching what could only be called a brutal, one-sided fight for dominance in Toshiro's favor.

Yamamoto banged his staff harshly on the wooden floors. "Hitsugaya-taicho!" he thundered, furious eyes trained on the two freezing shinigami. "You will stop this at _once!_ "

Despite looking like he would rather gut himself with a rusty spoon than comply, Hitsugaya grudgingly stopped, stepping slightly away from the man, but still close enough to kick him if he really wanted to, which, considering the last ten minutes, he probably would. His growls lowered to deep rumbles in his chest; the other shinigami's snarls went silent.

This being their first chance to, the present shinigami looked at the man Hitsugaya was attempting to tear apart. He was tall and skinny, with long black hair falling out of his high ponytail. His eyes were a deep crimson, with slightly slitted pupils similar to Hitsugaya's. He had pale skin, and a fang could be seen peeking out of his mouth.

Looking closer, they could see a red splotch that almost looked like _scales_ creeping up his neck, but that was ridiculous… Right?

A closer look at the enraged ice Captain revealed a similar condition, yet in a more subtle, icy blue-grey. He also had similar fangs poking out of his mouth, just barely visible.

Their attention was drawn back towards Yamamoto, whose reiatsu was swirling around him angrily. They winced. This wouldn't be pretty at all.

* * *

"There's no way I'll work with a thief like him! He's a deceiver, a fabricator of lies, and once he gets what he wants, he leaves!" Hitsugaya growled, glaring daggers at the battered shinigami.

Said shinigami sneered. "Why would I steal from _you_ , _ice lizard_?"

Ukitake sighed. Despite the Head Captain—and a few other captains—trying to get the two to put aside each other's differences to at least work together, negotiations were failing horribly. Not even the threats of detainment or demotion were getting Hitsugaya to calm down.

" _Don't think I haven't heard of you, Fire-Foot, Stealer-of-Hoards, Silver-Tongue!"_

" _Don't you dare talk to me like that, Blizzard-Heart, Bringer-of-Winter, Heavenly-Guardian!"_

Heads swung wildly between the two as their voices slowly deepened into thundering roars, and they once again lunged at each other, their fight much more savage than the last. Eyes widened increadulously as claws started to form and fangs lengthened; features turned more elven, and scaled patches became even more prominent until it was as if staring at dragons in human skin.

After a few minutes of fighting that absolutely _nothing_ could stop, not even the Head Captain raising his furious reiatsu, the Ice Captain pinned down the other shinigami, breathing heavily and bared his teath ferally at the downed man.

" _ **Leave this place,"**_ he growled, his voice sounding as deep and gutteral as Hyourinmaru's in his dragon form, " _ **and never return; lest you face death at my claws, your heart torn from it's chest. Should I ever catch the smallest sound, the faintest smell of you, you will not live to see the morning."**_ He narrowed his eyes, leaning closer to the paling man's face, snarling ferociously. " _ **Are we clear?"**_ He nodded frantically. " _ **Then GO!"**_ Hitsugaya roared, jumping off of him.

He ran off without thinking twice nor looking back, eyes dialated in fear; his metaphorical tail between his legs. Hitsugaya smirked victoriously. "Good riddance."

Then, peculiarly, it seemed as if Hitsugaya had a mental realization of what he had just spent the past hour doing. His face burned a bright red, and he groaned, sounding resigned. His face buried itself into his hands. "Not again…"

Eyes everywhere focused in on him like a hawk. Ukitake tilted his head curiously, with a slight hint of dread over the answer he would get. "...What do you mean by 'again', Hitsugaya-kun?"

He looked up, looking slightly sheepish, but at the same time, he looked entirely too unapologetic over his actions.

"That shinigami… He was a dragon."

The captains present twitched. "...A dragon."

He nodded. "A dragon. As I am." At the sound of rising protests, he raised his eyebrow haughtily. "My zanpakuto is a dragon, no? Some would call me a dragon wearing human skin. As such, I have many of the… _Instincts_ a dragon has."

Kyouraku, who had wandered in sometime during the failed negotiations, grinned teasingly, fingering his hat. "Even kidnapping fair maidens and sleeping in a mountain of gold?"

Hitsugaya wrinkled his nose in disgust. "No way, I'm not _that_ into gold—not enough to hoard it, anyways; and those 'princess kidnapping' dragons went about it all wrong; if they really wanted to get a princess or two that badly, they should've just used their human forms and gotten to know them better. Much better results that way."

Ukitake twitched. He _knew_ he was going to regret this. "Hitsugaya-kun… Do you have a hoard?" Kyouraku's eyes lit up at the fun topic—gossip _gold_!

Hitsugaya reluctantly nodded. "Of course… every dragon does."

"Then, may I enquire as to what yours is?" Kyouraku smoothly interrupted.

With a furious blush, Hitsugaya muttered something Ukitake didn't catch, and briskly walked away to sort out the situation with the Soutiacho. Kyouraku, however, did hear it, and burst out into laughter.

Ukitake blinked at his long-time friend. "What did he say?"

He stifled a snigger. " _People._ "

* * *

 **So, how was it? This idea had been mulling around in my head for a while. I'm not quite satisfied with how it's turned out, but maybe I can come back to it later.**

 **You guys shouldn't have to wait TOO long, as I've genuinely got another fic almost completely types up; much longer than this one—Seven pages and counting!**

 **Review, like, follow, and feel free to leave prompts or ideas in the comments! Seriously!**

 **See ya later!**

 **Yue**


	2. Finding Him

**Another one-shot here for ya! It's not the one I mentioned in the last chapter, cause that one's not done. But, this one was inspired by a mixture of the music I was listening to at the time, the fic I was ALSO reading at the time, and the rain outside the car I happened to be riding in.**

 **EDIT 3 SECONDS AFTER POSTING: I totally forgot to say this takes place in the Zanpakuto Rebellion**

 **Prompt:** Finding Him

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya Toshiro, Hyourinmaru

 **Genre:** Hurt/Comfort, Angst

 **Warnings:** None

* * *

 _Find him._

He needed to find him. Every other thought in his mind was pushed aside,all other distractions were unimportant. He just needed to do one thing, to make everything right again.

 _Find him._

He _promised_ he would always be there, that he would never leave him. Dragons don't break their promises, not without good reason. Even then, rarely.

 _Find him._

So what made him leave? Why did he go? What did he do wrong? He often asked him what he wanted, he asked him if had any complaints, heck, he asked him of _advise!_ So, _what did he do wrong?_ What made him feel so—so _unwanted_ that he had to leave?!

 _FIND HIM!_

He ignored everyone. All he had to do was reach out, _feel that oh so familiar presence, find him—_

He had forgotten him.

He finally found him, and he _forgot him._ Forgot the struggles they went through together, forgot what it cost to stay together, forgot the promises that he would always stay, _no matter what_ , forgot that he said he would always protect him—He. Forgot.

Hurt filled his body, his mind, his soul. Yet, instead of blinding him, like his _ferocious, feral rage_ would, hit sharpened him. His mind was clear, and he was never more sure of what to do next. For once, he was acting for _himself_ , what _he_ wanted.

 _I'll make you remember. I promise._

After all, dragons don't break their promises without good reason.

No reason would ever be good enough to break this promise.

That he promised. After all, Hitsugaya Toshiro doesn't break his promise anymore than a dragon does.

* * *

 **So... That was a (short) thing. That I wrote. Right...**

 **WELP, I promise I'll try to get the other one out as soon as possible, along with about a gajillion more... And I'll try to update the other fics too. No promises on anything, though, I'm a master of procrastination, lol.**

 **Read, review, like, follow, and have a good day people!**

 **Hope to see y'all soon!**

 **Yue**


	3. Time Travel

**FINALLY, the fic I've been talking about is DONE!**

 **So, heads up, this basically disregards canon Winter War onwards. Just to let you know so you're not like, _"But Yue, that didn't happen, it was BLAH BLAH BLAH..."_**

 **Happy reading!**

 **Prompt:** Time Travel

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya Toshiro, Hyourinmaru, Gotei 13

 **Genre:** Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

 **Warning:** Mentions of Torture, Mentions of Death, Mental Instability, Swearing

* * *

It was a rather important Captain's meeting that day, as they were discussing a very important, _very secret_ strategy against Aizen. So important, in fact, that if they did this right, then they might be able to turn the tables in this war and win in one fell swoop. If it didn't, well… It was an emergency, last case scenario only plan for a reason.

Everything was going rather well until the Tenth Division Captain, Hitsugaya Toshiro, started to feel…. Strange. Like a twinge in his stomach, as if he ate something his stomach didn't quite agree with, but it really wasn't all that bad. Content to ignore it in favor of the incredibly important strategy meeting, he disregarded the feeling with practiced ease.

However, as time went on, that uncomfortable twinge slowly grew in intensity. Instead of being solely located in his stomach, it had spread to an aching in his bones, and a pounding migraine. The nausea was almost overwhelming. His reiatsu felt sluggish and slushie-like. Cold sweat broke out, and he struggled not to sway where he stood, and aspired with even greater ambitions to ignore and hide any and all feelings, of sickness or otherwise, until after the meeting. Unfortunately, as soon as he tried ignoring it, it went from aches and nausea, to a horrible, fiery burning spreading all throughout his limbs, his head, his body, his heart, his _very soul_. Unable to keep it in any longer, he fell to the ground with a strangled scream.

"Hitsugaya-kun!" Ukitake yelped as they all jumped back as an intense wave of energy pulsed from his body, encompassing him in a semi-opaque ice barrier. Though they tried breaking it, all that did was make it stronger. All they could do was watch in horror as his tortured screams rang through the meeting room.

Through the ice, they could see him writhing in pain, alternating from curling in a fetal position to stretching out in agony, arching his back.

In a few minutes that seemed like eternity, his screams quieted, and his writhing form stilled. They could hear his rough, tired panting, and they watched his silhouette as he precariously stood up. But, something was different, not quite right.

They realized what when the ice finally melted away.

Hitsugaya Toshiro had always been small, a child. Yet now, while still short, he was a good foot taller, from his previous 4"4 to a 5"4. His spiked white hair was longer now, the spiky, unruly hair hanging down and cascading down his back, all the way to his hips. One of the more surprising– _terrifying_ –changes was his zanpakuto.

Hyourinmaru's handle was ragged, torn, yet obviously had been repaired many times with care. He had also managed to gain more length just as Hitsugaya had gained height.

There was also a tiny ice dragon draped around said Shinigami's shoulders.

They watched with cautious trepidation as the captain– _was it really him?_ –spoke… Or rather grumbled. "F***ing Mad Scientists, why do we even need them? I was perfectly f***ing happy _not_ being put through intense pain with only a _'Don't die!'_ Seriously, what the f***?!" The Captains furrowed their brows in caution and confusion as the Ice Captain's voice left his mouth, deeper and rougher; cursing uncharacteristically.

Yamamoto-soutaichou banged his cane on the floor, gaining his attention. "What is the meaning of this?!"

The man's– _Hitsugaya's_ –eyes widened. "Whoa whoa whoa, Yama-jiji!? You mean that death machine actually worked?! What day and year is it!?"

"Why should we answer you? How do we even know you're even Hitsugaya, you sound nothing like him! For all we know, you're working for Aizen." Soi Fon sneered, her rapidly unsealed shikai aimed at his neck.

"Just answer the damned question!" He snapped back, a desperate hope shining in his eyes.

"It is September 27th, 2017."

Eyes shot towards the man who spoke up. "Ukitake!" Soi Fon snarled.

He shook his head solemnly. "Look at his face."

They all watched in growing confusion as the man's face slowly gave way to the biggest grin ever seen in that face, and he began laughing hysterically, his eyes suspiciously shiny, practically bouncing out of joy. "It… it worked! It freaking worked!" Everyone gazed, shocked, as the once cold child–at least, they assumed it was him–showed more positive emotion than they had ever seen in all their years of knowing him.

Their attention was soon drawn to the dragon, as he started nuzzling it's– _Hyourinmaru's_ –face. "You hear that, Hyourinmaru?! It worked! It actually f***ing worked! I'm never doubting him again!" They watched, amazed, as Hyourinmaru began purring and nuzzling him back affectionately. Their startled stupors were interrupted as the man spoke, joy still prominent on his face. "I suppose you guys are wondering what's happening, right?" His grin turned teasing. "After all, I would think that watching the supposed 'Ice Captain' suddenly grow from a shrimpy, emotionally stunted kid to a taller, hysterical man does make for a rather confusing day. But before I do explanations," the Captains all tensed as his smile turned sadistic, and a primal blood list shone in his eyes, " _I smell a rat~_."

They all jumped as Hyourinmaru grew _,_ and _ripped_ through the walls, and dragged in a heavily struggling Shinigami, entwining himself around him as he forced the man into a kneeling position in front of Hitsugaya.

An eerie laugh–no _,_ a _giggle–_ erupted from Hitsugaya's mouth, echoing around the room. His face had a smile that was too wide for his face, and his eyes were cold as ice. It was almost like looking at a younger version of Ichimaru Gin.

"Hello, _Mis~ter~Rat~._ " The unknown Shinigami's eyes widened, and he tensed.

"W-why are you calling me that? Why am I here?!"

Hitsugaya clicked his tongue chidingly. "Now now, _Mis~ter~Rat~_ , you know why you're here," he he ran his fingers gently across his face, which the Captains noted, were covered in ice to form claws of sorts. A few shivered when they saw trails of light frost left where his fingers touched the shinigami's face. "Can't you save the both of us trouble and tell us why you're here?"

The man gritted his teeth. "I don't have anything to confess! I'm innocent! Honestly! How about you tell us who YOU are, cause I sure as hell haven't seen you here before!"

Silence reigned in the room for a short while after he spoke, then a chuckling started up from the white haired man. The chuckles soon elevated into cold laughed that sent shivers down the spine, and a glare was leveled at the Shinigami. "You really are a stubborn rat. I suppose I understand why Aizen chose _you_ of all people to be his spy." The man flinched, and the Captains inhaled sharply. A spy for Aizen, this whole time?!

"Y-you have no proof of that!"

"Don't I?" Hitsugaya cooed into his ear, arms wrapping loosely from behind his back and over his shoulders. "Sohma Takumi, sixth division Shinigami, unseated. Your zanpakuto is Mugon no Nezumi, the _Rat of Silence,_ you have unlocked your shikai, it's phrase being 'Kakusō,' or _Hide_ , and you were recruited by Aizen when you were an _itty bitty_ baby Shinigami in the fifth division, and later transferred to the sixth division to be distanced from Aizen and to remove the eyes of what little people looked at you." A cold wash of dread went down the spines of all those in the room listening. "Should you have successfully completed your most recent mission, _to spy on this Captain's meeting_ , you would have reported to Aizen, and our plan would have been used against us, causing the eventual downfall of Seireitei." Hitsugaya's arms tightened around Takumi, ice claws digging into his shoulders, the frozen water slowly leaking from his hands and spreading over his uniform towards his neck and down his chest. His eyes gleamed with freezing cold power waiting to be unleashed. " _Am I right, Mis~ter~Rat?_ "

The man's silence spoke volumes.

"I see." Hitsugaya stood up, stretching casually as if he wasn't just interrogating a traitor and surrounded by deadly sword wielding Shinigami, face innocently wistful. "Normally, this is where I would slowly but brutally rip off your head, delighting in listening to your agonized screams and watching as every last drop of blood dripped from your veins, and then finally feeding you to Hyourinmaru for crimes against the Soul Society but," Toshiro sighed, a frosty hand cupping his cheek as he leaned his head on it, ignoring the horrified and disturbed–for some, sadistically amused–stares of his fellow Shinigami, "I suppose that it's the Soutaicho's job to decide what happens to you. Soutaicho?"

"...Soi Fon-taicho. Take him to your most heavily guarded interrogation chambers. Find what he knows." Soi Fon bowed her head.

"Yes, Soutaicho."

…

Later, after the chaos had settled down and everyone had returned to the meeting place, along with the Lieutenants (and Ichigo) who had been briefed, the previous conversation continued.

"Hmm, where should I start?" Hitsugaya asked with feigned nonchalance. Despite his act, he knew that everyone could see his tense form. He cut off all those who opened their mouths to ask a question. "Actually, I know _exactly_ how to start~..." The Shinigami jolted as he fluidly sat down cross legged, and punched a fist through the floor, bringing it up to reveal… A saké bottle.

Eyes shot towards Kyoraku. He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

They then stared as Hitsugaya started chugging it.

Eyes swung towards Matsumoto, who coughed awkwardly into her hand, clearing her throat.

After he finished… _Drinking_ the bottle, he looked up, and smirked at their expressions.

"Aww, don't worry," he cooed, any potential signs of being maybe drunk, or even tipsy, suspiciously absent, "I got this habit _all on my own_. 'Sides, you can't expect me to get drunk _that_ easily." He started cackling. "Now, when I first started, _damn_ , did I suck!"

They ogled him, unable to comprehend how drastically different he was. Hinamori was the first to snap out of her astonishment. "Sh… Shiro-chan, what _happened_ to you?"

His eyes darted over to her, and softened. "Momo…" she started at the use of her given name, "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He smiled wistfully. "If you're asking what happened in the future, then it all sums up to the plan failed and everything went to hell." A cold shiver went down their spines. Their hunch based on his earlier outburst was correct.

An untamed glint shone in Hitsugaya's eyes. "Now, if you're asking about me specifically," He threw his head back, cackling in sadistic glee once again. "I went _cray-cray~._ " Blank stares gorged into his soul. "You know, nuts. Insane. Bonzo. No longer in possession of one's faculties; _three fries short of a happy meal;_ _WACKO!"_ (1) Everyone jumped at the sudden yell from the man, staring at him in concern as he just continued laughing crazily, tipping himself over onto his back from the force of his broken laughs.

A nudge from a once again shrunken Hyourinmaru brought Hitsugaya back to himself. With one last snigger, he sat up, bringing his attention back to the people in the room. He sighed. "I suppose you want more details, yes?"

Yamamoto narrowed his eyes, nodding. "I want a full report on what happened, starting with how far back you came. Immediately."

Hitsugaya looked up, humming in thought. "Well, to start off, it's been about a hundred years, and let me say, you all aged _beautifully_ , give or take a scar or fifty. Maybe a limb or three. OH! I'm pretty sure Kuchiki lost an eye!" People choked. "Don't worry, he got another one! Never did say where he got it… But it WAS a lovely shade of red though! Really leveled up his Kuchiki Death Stare™."

Many people couldn't stop the disturbed twitches.

Byakuya leveled his Kuchiki Death Stare™ at him, who shrugged it off with nary a glance.

"We tried to pull off the plan, and completely and utterly failed. It was one big f***ing mess. Long battle short, Aizen evolved, turned into an evil psycho butterfly, and beat the crap out of us. That was three months from now."

Kyouraku coughed, trying to keep a serious face, but his twitching lips and suspiciously bright eyes underneath his tilted hat betrayed him. "An… 'Evil psycho butterfly'? Did I hear that right?"

Hitsugaya's eyes lit up, a gleeful grin on his face. "No seriously, he turned into a butterfly! Ooh, I can show you what he looked like, I'm GREAT at making ice sculptures—" Hyourinmaru nudged him again. "Wait, sorry, got off topic. Just hit me or something when I do that—no, wait, don't do that, last time I said that Kenpachi almost sliced my head off, bad idea—" The many shinigami stared as Yamamoto huffed angrily and smacked Hitsugaya in the head with his staff. " _OUCH!_ SORRY, GEEZ! ANGER ISSUES MUCH!? … Where was I?"

"Three months from now."

"Right, Aizen kicked our collective asses, then we retreated, and I'm pretty sure the reason he didn't just kill us right away was because he wanted to gloat and because it was tea time." He pouted as they started glaring at him again. "What? He likes tea! He STOLE my entire storage room of rare teas! He even BRAGGED about it to my face when we battled two weeks later! Do you know how LONG it took me to get some of those teas?! They were expensive! I had some of those from when I took my first mission to the world of the living!" The room sweatdropped. "I spent YEARS getting that tea! And he STOLE IT! Do you even KNOW how much many paychecks I spent on that—" He was hit on the head again. "OW! Right, off topic. Uhh, the ensuing years were spent with gruesome battles, and us basically making guerilla warfare. We proved to be thorns in his side, all the shinigami with sticks up their asses got rid of the sticks, I went crazy after some people died—wait, was it after the deaths, or after the torture session? Those twenty years I don't really remember."

"T… Torture session?" Momo managed to squeak out, looking ready to faint

Hitsugaya waved it off, laughing, but the tension in his body was clear as day, his eyes haunted. "Yeah, just got kidnapped by Aizen and his Espada for a while. Bit of torture here, bit of swearing there, it wasn't _that_ bad." Somber looks were exchanged as Hyourinmaru nuzzled his master, easing him away from the uncomfortable topic of his torture session and consequential insanity.

Ichigo cleared his throat, deciding to change the topic. "So, ahh, the long hair… Is that because you grew super fast, or was it like that in the future too." He scowled as he was given looks that very clearly said they knew what he was doing, but really, that was a stupid question. "What? I'm just asking!"

However, it seemed to be just the question needed to lighten the mood, because suddenly Hitsugaya jumped up and was grinning like he won the lottery. "Ooh, do you like it? No one ever really told me what they thought, they were either dead or we were all too covered in blood, guts and gore for me to really ask reliably, and I never hung out with Ayasegawa outside of missions, then he died a gruesome, bloody, horrible death—a _beautiful_ gruesome, horrible bloody death, mind you—so I couldn't ask HIM, Momo and Matsumoto were… Otherwise preoccupied…" For a split second, his expression turned to crushing despair, his crazed eyes swirling with pain, before returning to its previous state. They had a pretty good idea of what those words actually meant. Another nudge from Hyourinmaru. "A-anyways, in the future, it was this long, but I usually braided a section of it by my face. Actually…" He eyed his hair lightheartedly, then swiftly braided a chunk of hair opposite to his now very large fringe in smooth, practiced moments, freezing the end with a quick burst of reiatsu to keep it in place. "Ta-daa! Amazing, isn't it! Just wait 'till it's covered in the blood of my enemies!"

They looked away awkwardly from the now-cheerful shinigami, sweating at the mere image of that statement. Well, most of them anyways.

"Ooh, it'll be _super_ pretty then, Snowy!" Yachiru chirped, bouncing over to Hitsugaya to play with his hair. "Ken-chan's hair ALWAYS looks pretty when it gets all bloody!"

The room looked on in horror as the two children—well, child and kinda-not-really child—laughed together, exchanging fashion tips and fun 'games'. Their horror mounted when Hitsugaya glomped Yachiru, nuzzling her cheek in a manner eerily similar to Hyourinmaru and swinging her around excitedly.

"Man, I forgot how adorable you were, you tiny little murder-death-kill machine you!" Yachiru, clearly having the time of her life, giggled loudly, squealing and cheering for more.

Trembling in an odd mix of happiness that her Taicho actually had a friend and terror of _who_ that friend was and their unholy mix of personalities, Matsumoto stepped forwards, catching the two's attention. "Well, Yachiru-chan, Taicho, I'm sure you two will have a lovely time… _Playing_ later, but we _really_ need finish this meeting. I promise you can hang out later, but for now…" She looked at them meaningfully, and Hitsugaya blushed faintly, looking properly contrite. He nodded and put down a pouting Yachiru.

He patted her head affectionately. "Don't worry, Chi-chan!" There was a collective cough in the room as everyone choked on their spit for a moment, "We'll talk afterwards! Shinigami's honor!" he said, thumping his chest twice with his fist.

"Right!" Content with their newfound friendship and the promise of fun later, she went back to her usual spot on Kenpachi's shoulder.

Hitsugaya's eyes swiveled back to the Soutaicho. "So, yeah, a hundred years of fighting later, mostly everyone's dead, I'm hanging out with the resident evil genii—Urahara and Kurotsuchi—and we get ambushed, and suddenly I'm shoved into this _untested_ tiny little pod by Urahara with a f***ing ' _don't die'! The bastard didn't even WARN ME_ —" At the sight of his darkening face and the incoming rant, Hyourinmaru quickly nudged him again before another Shinigami got angry, this time spraying his face with an icy breath at the same time to get him out it quicker.

"Ack! Right, long story short, I got shoved in there, I'm _pretty_ sure I basically just overrode my younger self—something about our bodies being made of reishi and me being stronger or whatever, I wasn't paying attention when he was rambling about time travel theories. Anyways, that happened, now I'm here!" The room sweatdropped as he beamed, Hyourinmaru humming in a satisfied manner; they could practically hear the unspoken ' _aren't you proud of me?'_

There was a nagging thought that many of the shinigami had, one that would be horribly offensive to say—"You're thinking I sound like Kenpachi right now, aren't you."

They flinched— _'Busted!'_

Hitsugaya laughed heartily, throwing his head back. "It's _fiiine_ , I had like, fifty plus people say that to me in the future. Don't worry, I'm still a gazillion times smarter than him~."

This, of course, ruffled Kenpachi's feathers. "OI, brat! You insulting me!?"

Hitsugaya blinked lazily, looking up to think for a moment, then nodding decisively. "Yep."

"You take that back!"

Hitsugaya smirked, a wicked, childlike gleam entered his wild eyes. "Oh yeah? Want poor Lil'Shiro to take back his totally true statement? Tell me, do you even know how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Kenpachi scrunched up his scarred face in confusion. "Wha—"

Hitsugaya bared his teeth impishly. "Well, _I_ know how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Of course, assuming a woodchuck _could_ chuck wood, then hypothetically, if our woodchuck named Chuck Wood could chuck wood then the wood the woodchuck would chuck would be equivalent to the weight of all 35 cubic feet of dirt the woodchuck would chuck out of its burrow when digging it, so if a woodchuck _could_ chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck 700 pounds of wood, but do we _really_ know if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Would the woodchuck—"

"That's enough." the Soutaicho said dryly.

Hitsugaya shrugged, still smirking. "My point is proven." Kenpachi growled, but left it alone after a stern glance from Yamamoto.

An awkward silence reigned in the meeting room. However, while others were thinking of what to say or do, Hitsugaya was talking to Hyourinmaru.

 _'How are you faring, little one?'_

 _'Do you always have to call me that? I'm not little!'_

' _You'll always be little to me, little one. And don't think I didn't notice you dodging the question. You've been talking much more than I know you're comfortable with, for the sake of those around you, just as you did in the future. Your wear a mask, you don't want them to see how bad you are.'_

' _... I'm tired, Hyourinmaru. Talking to people I know but don't know, who understand but don't understand, who look like the dead but aren't. I'm not stable. I'm not who they're expecting. I wanna scream my head off, letting them know exactly what I think. I wanna go to bed. Sleep. Enjoy what little peace a person like me could possibly get. At least for a little while. All I've known for a century is fighting and pain. I want to rest.'_

 _'Very well. You've done plenty, little one. Let me take over from here.'_

' _...Thanks, Hyourinmaru.'_

A swirling wind appeared in the meeting room, drawing everyone's attention. A flash of snow later, and Hyourinmaru stood in his human form, also changed with time.

His long teal hair was wilder than Hitsugaya's own, now reaching the floor. His ice cold blue eyes shone with a ferocious protectiveness that was unquestionable as to who it was for. His facial features were more feral, his scars even more jagged than before, with pointed ears poking out the sides of his head. His kimono was ragged, and the ice clinging to his neck and hands were sharper, more wild. A sword identical to Hitsugaya's rested upon his hip.

"Master." His rough baritone voice, though not particularly loud, filled the room.

An unnameable gleam entered Hitsugaya's eyes. "Hyourinmaru."

Hyourinmaru placed a steady hand on his Master's shoulder. A silent conversation took place, their only means of communication through the eyes. A few seconds passed, and Hyourinmaru blinked, nodding his head slightly in deference.

He turned his piercing eyes to Yamamoto. "We have discussed much today. I ask that you would finish this meeting, so that my Master may rest."

Everyone knew he wasn't asking.

"Hitsugaya Toshiro." Said Shinigami straightened and saluted playfully, smirking. "You will report to the fourth and allow Unohana-taicho to evaluate you. You will stay there until further notified."

"Yes, Soutaicho!"

…

After a tiring three hours in examinations, mental and physical, Hitsugaya was even more exhausted, even more than before. He felt like he could sleep for centuries, and still not wake. He laid in the bed, eyes closed, but restless. No matter how hard he tried, sleep evaded him.

"Master." He opened his eyes to look at Hyourinmaru, who had not moved from his side, nor changed back to his dragon form the entire time Unohana was examining him. While they tried to get him to leave at first, it soon became clear it was a lost cause, on both sides.

"Hyourinmaru." Hitsugaya sighed, letting the facade he had put up the moment he realized he was around people down. As crazy as he was, and as much as he truly did act like that now, he could only take so much of interacting with the people around him. His face was tired; all emotion drained out, leaving only a haunted and defeated expression.

The dragon zanpakuto spirit looked at his precious Master. His gaunt features, before hidden by overly dramatic and enthusiastic expressions, now suddenly came to the forefront. The patient's yukata he was wearing seemed to drown his small body.

This was a normal occurance for them.

He would not sleep, the dragon would watch silently. They both knew that nothing would help, not as long as long as he held the guilt, the pain, terror, inside.

And they both knew he wouldn't be talking about those anytime soon.

Despite all the changes time and torture caused to him, he was still one of the single most _stubborn_ Shinigami Hyourinmaru ever had the pleasure—or not pleasure—of meeting.

Silence reigned in the room for a short while, before Hitsugaya spoke.

"... It's real, isn't it."

Hyourinmaru dipped his head. "Yes, little one. This truly is. No illusions, no hallucinations. This is reality." He watched as broken eyes drifted up towards his own, a spark of hope reforged in his cold, icy teal eyes.

"...Stay with me?"

"Always, little one." And with that, Hyourinmaru changed back into his dragon form, this time big enough to wind around the Shinigami's body. Curling around him, he started purring, the soothing rumbles vibrating through his Master's body.

Hitsugaya's eyes slowly drifted shut, his voice slurring as he fell asleep. "Maybe… it'll be… bet'r this t'm…"

 _'It will little one. I promise.'_

 **(1)-Quote courtesy of Jack O'Neill from Stargate SG-1 (from "Insane" to "Wacko"), season 4 episode 6, "Window of Opportunity"**

* * *

 **Sooo, how was it? Was he appropriately crazy? Do you have anything you would change? I really would like to hear your opinions, seriously, I don't show these to people before I post them on here.**

 **Would you read some snippets about scenes after this? I have a few ideas (mostly humor based)**

 **Well, lemme know what you think, and what kinds of one shots you guys would like to see on here! Review, like, follow!**

 **Hope to see ya guys soon!**

 **Yue**


	4. Abridged

**Another oneshot, I'm on a ROLL!**

 **This one was based on Project Mouthwash's Bleach Abridged series. It's amazing, I must have watched the Diamond Dust Rebellion abridged they did at least five times, lol. I love it.**

 **As a heads up, a LOT of Hitsugaya's quotes are from said series.**

 **Nadiexs: ****¡Gracias para tú comentario! Tengo ideas para una segunda parte, en la película segundo (** **Diamond Dust Rebellion) con Kusaka. Casi todo de mis ideas son para esto** **película. (Lo siento si mi Español es malo. No tengo mucho practica para dos o tres** **años.)**

 **Prompt:** Abridged

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Unohana

 **Genre:** Humor

 **Warnings:** None

* * *

They genuinely had no idea what was going on. They would guess Aizen, but that would mean that he was not only being extremely obvious, but also apparently extremely _bored_ , for him to do something like this.

...

 _"Rangiku, what the hell happened to your voice?!"_

 _"What do you mean Captain? ...And why are you calling me Rangiku?"_

 _"Your voice is way too high! What'd you do, inhale helium?! And since when did I call you anything else!?"_

 _"...Captain, I think you need to go visit Unohana-taicho…"_

The normally frigid, controlled, and mature Hitsugaya Toshiro had been replaced with an extremely vocal, rebellious adolescent.

 _"Hitsugaya-taicho, I'd like you to tell me how you're feeling right now."_

 _"What? Upset I don't observe your commercial holidays, you corporate lapdog?! Society says it's a crime, but I think I'd be a crime to sit back, and let The Man tell me what I can and can not do! … Also, why's your voice different? Why's everyone acting weird today?"_

...

One that had absolutely no qualms breaking the rules if he decided that they were stupid. One that frequently insulted his fellow Shinigami, and seemed to think everyone should act and sound different than they did.

...

 _"Could you explain to me what you mean?"_

 _"Yamamoto's not senile and threatening to set someone on fire every three seconds as what is apparently according to law; Soi-fong is actually pretty similar, but usually she's at least mentioned Yoruichi by now; you're actually pretty much the same; Byakuya isn't spouting out depressing poetry and haikus everytime he speaks; Komamura doesn't have an accent and seems way more civilized; Kyouraku is still a drunk, but doesn't talk about it twenty-four seven, and hasn't been acting like an old drunk; Kenpachi doesn't have senin-itis, and I haven't heard even the smallest scrap of music; Ukitake isn't always in the fourth and is less blunt; and Mayuri is still a creepy mad scientist."_

 _"...I see. And what of the Third, Fifth and Ninth Captains?"_

 _"You mean those traitors? They're reasons Society is such a problem! Gin is a weirdo that vocalizes his periods; it's impossible to understand what Tousen's saying, and Josh Groban is the worst! He pretended to be a famous musician from the Living world! He sends his idiot hollow lap dogs to do his dirty work and tries to kill all of us; except for that one time when we called ceasefire with for Christmas."_

 _"... I see. And who is this 'Josh Groban'?"_

 _"The former Fifth Division Captain."_

 _"Ah, you mean Aizen."_

 _"Yeah, Josh Groban—OH MY GOD YOU CAN ACTUALLY SAY JOSH GROBAN'S NAME! ...What are you writing on that paper?"_

 _"Oh, nothing important."_

...

He also detested society. To a ridiculous amount. And blamed absolutely _everything_ on it.

...

 _"Tell me, since you mentioned it before, what do you think of Society?"_

 _"Obviously, everything that happened was Society's fault! Like all problems, this all stems from a bunch of old men who have no idea what they're doing. Soul Society should be run by the YOUTH, man! We're in touch with ourselves."_

 _"So, you believe that everything that happened with… Josh Groban and the other traitors was because of…"_

 _"SOCIETY! Josh Groban and the others are the byproducts of an unfortunately corrupt and blind Society!"_

 _"Surely it cannot be that bad."_

 _"Our government is ruled through force. We serve a lofty, untouchable King that doesn't give a damn about us, and our highest authorities contain a ruthless madman and a mad scientist!"_

 _"..."_

 _"That's why I swore to change it! Yes—on that day, I made my vow…"_

 _"And what was that vow?"_

 _"..."_

 _"Hitsugaya-taicho? ...Hitsugaya?"_

 _"Shhh... I'm having a flashback…"_

 _"I… see…"_

 _"You may want to reschedule lunch…"_

 _..._

Someone was going to _die_ for this. _Painfully._ End of story.

...

 _"Hey! What are you doing here, Non-Union soul reaper?!"_

 _"The hell are you talking about?"_

 _"Oh boy…"_

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Hyourinmaru had also changed, in a way that baffled many shinigami alike.

...

"Sit apon the frozen heavens, Hyourinmaru!'

" _ **DRAGOOOON! DRAAAGOOON! I'M A DRAGOOOON!"**_

"THE F***S UP WITH HYOURINMARU?!"

* * *

 **I'm not super happy with the format, but meh, what can ya do? Hope you guys liked this! Tell me, have any of YOU seen Bleach Abridged? What do you think about it?**

 **Well, the usual, read, review, like and follow!**

 **Hope to see you guys soon!**

 **Yue**


	5. Tired

**Welp... I made something depressing again.**

 **I have a really messed up mind sometimes, I swear.**

 **Prompt:** Tired

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto

 **Genre:** Tradgedy

 **Warnings:** Character Death

* * *

Cold… that's what this feeling was… cold. It was strange, he never really felt very cold before. Not enough to make him shiver, freezing from the inside out…. Or was it inside in?

Vaguely, he remembered that he was supposed to be feeling something… pain? Wasn't he supposed to be hurting? Maybe, maybe not. It was so hard to think, he was so _tired_ …

He heard a muffled shouting, and in response, he opened his eyes that he never realized were shut. The blurry world around him gave him little clues, colors moved left, right, up, down… but there was one color that stayed where it was. The nice, red-orange color.

Matsumoto, he remembered. That was the color of her long, long hair.

God, he was so tired. Why was he so tired? He was cold too… What was cold again? This didn't feel familiar to him...

His muffled hearing eventually evened out slightly, allowing him to hear her voice. "—ing's gonna be—ay n—, don't wor—"

He twitched, struggling to breath, even blink. "...M'ts'm'to." He gurgled, something warm, sticky coming out of his mouth. He didn't like it, he knew it was bad, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was too cold, too tired.

A cool hand, warmer than himself. For once in his life, he found himself leaning in towards the warmth. "Tai—! I—ere!"

He sluggishly blinked again, his tiny body shuddering with every breath. In the back of his mind, he could hear Hyourinmaru crying out mournfully, steadily growing fainter. "M'ts'm'to… 'm tired…" he struggled to remember. What was he doing before this? What did he have to do? His eyebrows furrowed in frustration, frustrated tears starting to leak out for the first time in over fifty years. "'m r'lly t'red… did I h've an'thin' t' do?" His voice cracked, his throat hurt, _God, he was so tired._

For a few precious moments, his hearing and eyesight cleared, enough to make out his fukutaicho. He remembered her bubbly personality, the infuriating smile and habits she had…. That's weird, why was she crying? He remembered making Momo cry once as a little kid. Was he being mean again?

She shook her head, her watery eyes trying their hardest to smile through her sobs. "No… Y-you did all the paperwork, taicho. You can have a good nap now…"

Ahh. So he finished his paperwork… that's right, he always had paperwork to do… and when he finished it, he would take a nap… He exhaled, his torn, exhausted body finally relaxing. "N' m'r… p'prw'rk… Wan' Sl'p… t'rd... G'nigh'... M'ts'm'to…" _so tired… so cold… sleep…_

The last thing he heard as everything faded away was Matsumoto's sobbing voice whispering to him as gently as she could, "G-goodnight, Taicho…"

 _Tired… goodnight, Matsumoto. See you later._

* * *

 **Yeah... I just did that. I'm sorry. I just killed one of my favorite characters. Crap...**

 **Well, read, review, like, and follow! Be sure to tell me any requests/ideas/prompts!**

 **Hope to see you soon!**

 **Yue**


	6. Unravel

**... I've gotta be completely honest, I've actually had this sitting in my Google docs for the past two or three updates... I'm great, really.**

 **Notice my sarcasm.**

 **This was highly inspired by Amalee's new(-ish) cover of Unravel from Tokyo Ghoul. I've been listening to it so much, and the lyrics were just swimming around in my head. So, in a way, this could count as a songfic, because I used actual parts of the lyrics in here, paraphrased or directly.**

 **Side note, I don't own that song nor the lyrics, the creators/cover artist own it. I just love to listen to it.**

 **Prompt:** Unravel (ver. Amalee)

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya Toshiro

 **Genre:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort

 **Warnings:** Mental Instability

* * *

No one would expect it. No one would ever believe it, not even if he admitted it himself.

He was always Hitsugaya Toshiro, the Ice Captain of the Seireitei, the child prodigy. Unshakable. Unbreakable.

They couldn't be more wrong.

The words twisted unendingly in his head; making him wish reality would just _freeze_. Unshakable— _I'm shakeable_. Unbreakable— _I'm breakable._ The contradictions, the expectations, reality, they swirled around his head until finally, they drove him mad.

They didn't notice he was broken.

He silently, secretly, screamed in confusion, rage, hurt, pain, want, need. They wanted to help him, they said they were his friends. They laughed and smiled at him, _but they didn't see a thing._ They didn't see the stress put upon him, they didn't see they were ostracizing a child— _not a child, I'm NOT a child!_ —that whatever they did to fix him made everything worse, that he had no one to talk to, that he had no one to cry with, other than the being residing in his own soul.

Loneliness is infinite; it screams at the innocent. It tears at their minds, their souls, until it's too late; until they don't want to be found.

He was himself, yet he locked away all of the pain he had deep down, buried under a mask.

There are many kinds of masks, such as those made of stone, of brick, of plaster. But by far the most delicate is ice. It is strong, unbending, yet clear. You think you see through; in truth, that is just the beginning. But once it is broken, it shatters into tiny unmendable pieces; nothing to be salvaged except the broken truth it was hiding.

He had been wearing an icy mask for so long, it finally shattered.

He couldn't tone down the memories; he was screaming out for mercy, he wished it would all just _end_. That someone would unravel him; unravel the world around him before it was too late.

But it already was, wasn't it?

Because how in the world was one supposed to survive in this hellish paradise?

The answer was simple.

 _You can't._

* * *

 **(cough) Hm? Who, me? Write depressing fics? Perish the thought!**

 **... I swear I'm not depressed or anything like that in real life, I just write and stuff like this comes out. Seriously. I wrote a horror story for class that freaked out everyone who read it.**

 **Welp, review, and like and follow if you liked it!**

 **Or, if you didn't, still review so I know why you didn't liek it. Seriously. I love reviews.**

 **Well, toodle-oo!**


	7. Innocent

**FINALLY, I'M BACK WITH A NON-ANGSTY FIC!**

 **I had many ideas for this, but this was the smoothest I could really get even one of them out so... Who knows? Maybe one day I'll come out with more versions/parts?**

 **... I'm I really sorry these have been short. I haven't had that many long ideas yet, besides the Time Travel one. I SHALL TRY MY HARDEST FOR MORE WORDS!**

 **Prompt:** Innocent

 **Genre:** Humor

 **Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, hints of OCs

 **Warnings:** ...I don't think so, unless your imagination goes crazy, lol

* * *

Most people loved making fun of Toshiro's despised childish looks. The ones who had come face-to-face with the benefits his physical appearance gave him cursed the fact that he could twist them to his advantage so dastardly _well_ when he wanted to. Thanks to how he looked, even when his hands were practically stained _black_ with guilt, he could appear to be completely innocent, with wide, child-like eyes boring straight into the questioning party's soul in the way only a kid could truly pull off. He could, and would, soak up every advantage his appearance gave him, whenever he decided it was necessary.

Such as now.

"I didn't do it." Large, jewel-like eyes stared mournfully into the officer's own, their owner's blackened, dirty hands clasped nervously in front of him.

Behind the owner of said bejeweled eyes, there was a large mess of broken bodies and buildings, charred ground, and more than a few areas layered with _frost_ , of all things.

The officers at the scene were instantly captivated.

"Sir, please calm down—"

" _GET ME AWAY FROM HIM! HE'S THE DEVIL! HE'LL KILL US ALL!"_

"SIR—!"

The officers did their best to ignore the screams.

As they collected statements from the obviously crazy men— _after all, who could doubt such a sweet child, obviously foreign?—_ a pair of bluish green eyes gleamed in satisfaction.

…

"Taicho, that was cruel."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm innocent, remember?"

" _Taicho_."

"What? People can make their own judgements about what happened. If they just so happened to believe _me_ instead of them, well…"

"Taicho, the Soutaicho banned you from using those eyes anywhere within fifty feet of his general vicinity."

"He's in the afterlife right now and I'm not, I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear."

"That's not the _point_ —GAH! Taicho! Don't use them on me! I'll be quiet I _swear_ , just stop looking at me like that!"

"Glad you see it my way."

" _Taicho…_ EEP!"

"Please be quiet and keep walking, Matsumoto."

"... Yes, Taicho…"

* * *

 **I've always liked the fic where, despite his dislike for his... Ehem, _stature_ , he has absolutely NO qualms using it to his advantage whenever he wants to. In fact, if you guys know any fics where something like that happened, please let me know. I want to read them. Badly.**

 **Well, read, review, and hopefully like and follow!**

 **See ya!**


	8. First Meeting

**Aha! Thought you wouldn't be seeing ME again, didn't ya! Well, I'M BACK BABY!**

 **...For this chapter.**

 **Wondering where I got the idea for this? I was thinking of the ice cream man song my brothers/friends would sing as little kids, then I thought of white vans, then I thought of candy, THEN I thought of our favorite Shiro duo. AFTER THAT, I thought of this. It was a very strange train of thought.**

 **Prompt:** First Meeting

 **Characters:** Toshiro, Ukitake

 **Genre:** Humor

 **Rating:** K-T

 **Warnings:** Mentions of all the bad things that can happen to little kids on the streets. While placed in a comedic situation, it is still there. You have been warned.

* * *

For first year academy student Hitsugaya Toshiro, this had to be one of the most boring things in existence. Where others were frantically scribbling down notes, he sat in his chair lazily, already knowing the material despite only being here for a week.

What was so hard about this place anyways? All the Shinigami he overheard made this place sound like hell! ...Well, in a way it _was_ hell, but of the " _bored to death"_ variety, along with " _surrounded by idiots bigger than you._ " He heard there were seven levels of hell. He wondered; was there a level of hell for those who died that way? Maybe it was there was level for good-for-nothingness.

His attention was brought up to the front of the classroom as an unexpected change of pace. Apparently, they decided to bring some classes to various divisions to see how things really worked.

Why in the world were they choosing a first year class to do this?

Meh, either way this would be _way_ more interesting than just regular class. Maybe he would actually learn something new for once. Listening intently, he made a mental note to research the Thirteenth Division. It wouldn't do to go unprepared, after all. He was _not_ going to know less than _any-freaking-person_ in this gosh darned class if _he_ had anything to say about it. He had an already earned _reputation_ to keep, dammit!

Not that he cared that he was better than the snobby rich kids who always taunted him in the halls, tormenting his every waking moment since he stepped into this horrible place. Nope. Not at _all._

… Okay, maybe a _little._

* * *

He walked at the end of the small crowd of ecstatic, smug, and overly nervous academy student his class and another formed. While it was annoying being in the back of the mass of people, he would much rather be behind everyone, unbothered, instead of in front of them all, or God forbid, _surrounded_ by them.

No, much better for his nerves (and health) to stay back and more or less unnoticed.

Eventually, they stopped at the courtyard of the Thirteenth Division. He tilted his head and blinked nervously when they were told to buddy up and wander around on their own for an hour. He instantly knew that anyone buddying up with _him_ was a lost cause.

What the teachers didn't know wouldn't hurt them, right?

Eventually, Toshiro wandered into one of the gardens of the division.

There, on the deck, he saw a man sitting down, looking at the flowers. He observed the Shinigami curiously. He had long white hair, reaching his waist, and dark black eyes. Over his standard shikuhasho was a white haori.

 _A captain,_ Toshiro realized. _Not a regular Shinigami, a captain._

The captain turned his head towards Toshiro. The boy hurriedly bowed, not daring to look at the man in the eye. He was going to get in trouble, obviously people weren't supposed to be here, he's _so_ dead—

"Oh, you don't have to bow. Stand up! What's your name?"

Toshiro's thoughts crashed to a halt. He blinked, and hesitantly straightened. Okay, he could do this. Apparently, the Captains were not nearly as strict with protocol as he had been lead to believe. Who knew?

"H-Hitsugaya Toshiro, sir. First year academy student."

The Captain's eyes lit up, and he clapped his hands joyfully. "Oh, your with he academy students visiting today!" _Obviously,_ Toshiro thought, twitching, _considering I'm wearing the uniform._

"Ooh, and you're a Shiro-chan, just like me!" _Wait, what?_ "Tell me, do you like candy?" _What?_ "Wait, of course you like candy! Let me get you some!"

Without waiting for an answer, the man seemingly teleported inside— _shunpo,_ Toshiro vaguely recognized—and came back out with a bag of candy, and shoved it in his face.

"Here you go, Shiro-chan! I have more if you want some! In fact, if you ever want more, feel free to come to me, okay?"

Staring incredulously at the man, Toshiro's eyes widened as his mind flashed back to the many warnings Granny and Momo had given him in his younger years

" _Shiro-chan, NEVER EVER trust old guys giving you candy, okay!? If they ever do, be sure to run away and scream—"_

"RAAAAPE!" Toshiro screamed, running away with wide eyes and a pale face. "CHILD MOLESTER! KIDNAPPER!"

…

Later on, after everything was cleared up, it was universally agreed upon to never mention it again.

Funnily enough, despite the entire fiasco, Ukitake-taicho had gained a very, very large soft spot for him. With the notion of a terrible childhood in his head (which was, admittedly, not to far of the mark), he resolved to give his fellow Shiro-chan even more candy than before.

Toshiro just wished everyone would forget the entire thing.

To his dying day, everyone who mentioned the incident earned a sword to the face—and later on, a _bankai_ to the face.

* * *

 **I feel really guilty joking about those subjects, but when the subject hits me... Meh.**

 **Quick service announcement: don't ever, _ever_ joke about this in real life. Seriously. DON'T.**

 **Welp, on that cheerful note, read, review, fave, follow whatever. Give me ideas, people! Or criticism! _PLEASE!_**

 ** _BYEEEEEEEEE!_**


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